This post is also available as a podcast here: https://spotifyanchor-web.app.link/e/hqHcPnQ18zb

This seems like a good follow-up to the “fake” post. Embracing who you are is the key to becoming “real.” Regardless of your versatility or history, you are still you. I wrote before about finding the things inside you that light you up. Those are the things to follow; the interests, activities, and people that light you up inside. When you take the time to evaluate how you’re feeling in the moment, it’s amazing what you learn about the things that you do and their effects on you. We can easily let go of the things that do not light us up – we just have to be able to open the space within us to see how we’re doing.

Some questions to reflect on when you aren’t sure: is the thing (or person) you’re continuing to keep in your life giving you something that drives you, like praise? Praise is tricky. If you’re like me, praise was something we sought and earned to feel “enough.” Good grades, sport achievements, roles in performances, etc. School teaches us to seek praise and recognition of our achievements. However great those achievements were, they didn’t define us. Those that struggled with achieving those things felt isolated and rejected, but they also had to find another path. They didn’t meet the expectations to earn the praise, so they had to grow stronger within themselves. Those of us that earned the achievements and praise – we have to do all that work later.

The praise and achievements are easy to follow, but they take us down a yellow brick road of someone else’s design. If we had laid our own path, we may have found our way much sooner. It’s why there’s so much burnout in the intelligent, high-achieving kids when they become adults. We followed the path before us without needing to consider if it was right for us, because we were good at it. There’s a reason Dorothy just wanted to go home. We have to take the path back to ourselves, we just get the push a lot later than our peers. Frankly, society teaches us that we find our “path” in our teenage years, while we’re still growing up and have the safety of a home we don’t have to run. When we slam into a wall in our 20s or 30s and realize we’ve been following a path before us instead of a path defined by who we are – society doesn’t support us the same way.

Now, I don’t think we’re all grown up in our 20s or 30s, but there’s an underlying expectation that we’ll know who we are and what we want to do by the time we finish undergrad. As a university professor that talks to these students regularly: most of them don’t know what they want to do when they finish undergrad. They don’t. Why? They don’t know themselves. They don’t know what they like, what drives them, nor do they have a reasonable expectation for what a career looks like when they leave school. They’ve just been in school for as long as they can remember, and that means following a path laid before them… The world is scary when school shelters you from the realities of the world; from the realities of finding yourself in the sea of expectations.

I never left academia. So, you can dismiss my observations if you like. I haven’t gotten into the “real world” aside from consulting work. However, I acknowledge the feelings within me that stemmed from following this path through school. I have no doubt that I’m doing the kind of work I was made to do, but I also didn’t truly know or accept myself until recently. I see the same feelings in my students every semester. They follow the path before them blindly, and they honestly aren’t sure what the future will be – because they don’t really know what they want to do, nor what will be expected of them in a career for their field. I wish universities (or heck, high schools!) had a course that helped these kids find themselves. Knowledge of the world is great, but knowledge of ourselves is something that grounds us; makes us whole. There is nothing more valuable in this life than knowing yourself, and no yellow brick road will get you there. You have to find it inside yourself.

Start by finding the things that light you up. Articulate them, dig deeply into them. What is it that’s making you feel that way? Why? What do you gain that keeps you engaged? Is it external or internal? (Note: internal is going to be there while external can fail. Seek the internally-driven lights.) Reflect. Listen to yourself. Find your truth.

My story this week is about light.

One of the studios I danced at for several years is owned by someone that instills light in others. Someone who cultivates love and community. We would stand in a circle before every show and close our eyes to find the light inside of us and brighten it until it shined out of our eyes to share with our audience on stage. It’s a beautiful imagery exercise, and was one of the things that made such a loving community. Find your light, let it shine your joy to those around you.

Dance gives me light, but I find light in many activities. If I’m with people that brighten my light, I find levity in many places. I will dance, sing, and run around a mall with a friend that lights me up. I will try absurd putting positions in mini golf; like balancing on one leg, or swinging the putter between my legs, etc. I will lean into my crazy style of bowling, which entails a one leg balance as I release the ball. My hope is that my joy and silliness gives you a smile and makes you think of things you do when you’re “lit up.” People that light you up will make the most mundane tasks fun, and things that light you up will fill your heart in ways that draw your people closer.

My brightest day most recently was at one of those fun parks with mini golf, bowling, bumper boats, laser tag, go carts, rope course, arcade, etc. Those places are designed for fun, but going to a place like that with someone that lights me up was my best day in recent memory. I had a ball balancing on one leg playing mini golf, spraying my friend with water while chasing each other around the pool in bumper boats, and it was even fun when I got a gutless go cart and had to floor the pedal all the way around the course. I love heights (rock climbing, aerial dance, flying, etc.), so I thought the rope course would be fun, but I actually got terrified on it. Perhaps it’s my knowledge of rigging from aerial, but I didn’t feel safe. They went first on the part that scared me, and I used their strategy, but I was legitimately terrified.

The best part of that ropes course was looking up into their face as I approached the edge, and feeling the support of someone that lights me up as they reached out to take my hand to safety. Me. The person who isn’t afraid of heights. The person who launched into the air to catch themself by a single strap… I was terrified. But, they had my back when I was scared, and there’s nothing like finding your people to catch you when you feel like you’re falling/failing. If someone lights you up, is willing to catch you, and makes you feel safe – hold onto them. No one has ever made me feel more safe than that person did in that moment. Light isn’t just in joy, but it’s also in the warmth of bonds with people that mean something to us. In that moment we meant a lot to each other, and it brought more light into that day when that terror could have ruined my day – our light saved it.

Find your lights, foster them, and let them shine in this world.

Love and light, -S.