We all have some level of intuition. I have to listen to my intuition. I find that my intuition is not the loud voice telling me what to do, it’s always the soft voice with gentle warnings and nudges. It’s far harder to listen to the intuition when our conscious minds are so busy that they are telling us what to do with a much louder voice. Tuning into intuition is a softer, more difficult thing to hear.

Intuition is a tricky thing. I think, for most of us, no one teaches us how to listen to it. We learn through awareness, or we don’t really learn. I’m certain that some of us are more sensitive than others, but I think there’s an ability in all of us to learn our intuition. One of the difficult things for me is the separation of my intuition from my inner voice. Sometimes my inner voice is going to tell me what I want to hear, but my intuition is not.

Every time I am leaving the house and have a moment of “should I bring ____?” The answer is: yes. Bring the thing, you don’t know why you thought of it, but it’s going to be useful later. Trust me, me, and just take the object with you. What’s the worst that could happen? Oh, no, I brought extra stuff. Is it better to bring something I don’t need, or leave something at home that I do? The former. Just do it. It’s probably your intuition talking.

That’s what I mean about it being softer and more difficult to hear. There is no post-it note saying “bring the thing!” It’s just a pause. A question. Intuition is never forceful, but when we don’t hear it – that can result in forceful things. I feel it deep when I do not listen. Listening takes so much patience and awareness; the busier we get, the harder it is to listen to anything. So, our quiet intuitions can drown in the sea of inputs.

However, there are also times when what I want is so strong that I acknowledge my intuition and go for it anyway. I usually regret this choice, but I also understand why it happens. When we place so much weight on an outcome that we, effectively, push for it to happen – we can easily sideline our intuition because our desires take the forefront and that voice is silenced. How can we avoid this? Awareness.

Cultivate awareness and patience in everything you do. There is no greater self, in my mind, than the one that can listen fully and be present in the moment. Awareness of self and awareness of surroundings are both needed. If we only have awareness of self, we impact the world in ways that can cause conflict. If we only have awareness of our surroundings, then we lose touch with ourselves and can even lose sight of our needs and goals. This is in line with people pleasing. We learned that everything around us is more important than our own needs when we fell into people pleasing. Cultivate both, and open your inner ears to hear the nudges from your intuition.

My story this week is just about my intuition.

That partner in my spiraling post, who talked to me everyday and suddenly went a day without talking to me: that was the day he cheated on me. I knew things were off before I “knew” things were off. I usually do, so it’s unfortunate when I choose not to listen to my intuition and that hurts me. I felt it the day it happened, and I grew further concerned when I called him the next morning and he was clearly stressed. He started saying he would call without calling. He stopped responding to messages. It all unraveled to a point where I finally got him on the phone 10 days later to hear the truth.

Anxious attachment combined with intuition makes dating incredibly stressful. I have known before I was told each time I was cheated on in this life. I always thought I was someone that wouldn’t happen to… until it did. I’m wise enough to know now that the men I chose were the reason, not me. However, it fed into my insecurities and caused me to put my surroundings above myself.

In my first situationship, I knowingly chose to stay against my intuition. I recognized my intuition and what was happening, but I kept using my inner voice to defy my intuition and just pushed forward to my own detriment. Sometimes, I think we don’t listen to our intuition because there is a lesson we’re still learning. I wasn’t ready to do better than I was doing, so I went against my intuition. I wish I could have done better, but sometimes the road of healing isn’t paved. Sometimes we have to hit the bumps in order to fully heal.

May you tune into yourself and your surroundings, may your path to healing be less bumpy in time.

Much Love, -S.