Everything in life… comes in time. I sometimes feel that the most painful truth of existence is that we must always find patience with time. We cannot change our pains, we cannot fix our problems, we cannot heal without time. The time of processing, working, and healing is treacherous and frustrating. Yet, time is all we have in this life. Time is beautiful because it is fleeting. How is it that something so present in our existence is both incredibly long and incredibly short? I’m fascinated by the concept of time.

I have always been a fan of fantasy and science fiction because I am enthralled by the creativity we have as humans. I love the concepts of ideas beyond this reality. I love imagining what it would be like to live in a world of magic; a world with different rules. I love imagining the sensations of wings, claws, scales. I love imagining flight, teleportation, and transmutation. Going back in time is a common “trope” in science fiction. It is something that I’m certain every human has desired. A chance to change an outcome. A chance to make a difference. Or, sometimes, a chance to experience a memory in real time.

As a mathematician, I get to talk about time in a unique way when I teach about four-dimensional objects and what that translates to, in a tangible sense, is our existence. We exist in a three-dimensional space that changes in time, creating a fourth dimension to our experience. However, unlike in my courses, we cannot go back in time. We cannot change the propagation of our lives through analysis. We cannot go back to the moments that built us, nor can we experience all possible outcomes of each event and choice made in our lives. Every moment is fleeting. Every decision defining the propagation of our future events. For some, this causes a decision paralysis which is merely the choice not to choose. Which, I find far worse than deciding.

However, I think that is what makes this life so incredibly special. Time is elusive and fleeting – we cannot change it, we cannot experience it out of order, and we cannot stop it. It is. It was. It will be. Time is, in effect, the ultimate teacher of letting go. It will pass regardless of what you choose to do, so embrace it and flow with it. I love the science fiction ideas of time, where every moment is somehow propagating all possible choices, and our experience is merely the single path defined by the choices we make within our life.

Wouldn’t it be impressive to see? Like the implications of the movie Interstellar, where his life was displayed. I have discussed the idea that our dreams reflect other versions of our lives with friends. Do you ever dream of a house that isn’t yours? Yet, it is yours. It’s your “dream” house. I do. I see the same house again and again. The same people again and again, but it’s nothing like my life. We will likely never know the unfolding of our lives on different trajectories, but time progresses forward and we continually make choices to reach its end.

I know this was a bit of a detour down an odd trajectory of its own, but here’s what I want to be the capstone: In all these moments; whether painful, happy, scared, or angry (etc.) Consider that this moment is but a moment. It will pass. I am guilty of ruminating, or becoming overwhelmed by a feeling and seeing no way out of it. However, I have learned in this life that everything passes, everything changes, and everything comes in time.

My “story” this week is about suicide. It’s not a story, it’s just a connected tangent to this post.

Suicide is something only truly understood by those who either 1) have felt the feelings that bring on such action or 2) those who have worked to understand those feelings from the outside. Depression is a big factor in feelings that lead to suicidal attempts. To understand these feelings, those on the outside need to understand that suicide is a cry that says “I don’t see any way this will get better.” or “I don’t see any way out of this.”

Depression is anger turned inward. Depression is caused by many different factors, but if it is situational – it’s usually due to a person feeling like their locus of control is outside themselves. A feeling of helplessness or powerlessness can cause someone to feel like there is no way out. This is compounded when those around the person do not see the feelings as valid, or are unable to support the person to let the moment pass.

My advice, if you want it, is to just hold space for the person to feel and know you care. No shame, no judgement, just space. If they seem open to finding a way out, great. Honestly, most of them aren’t ready yet. They have to get past the feelings of helplessness and powerlessness first. Sometimes, just sitting with someone can fill their cup and help them see they still have value. Patience, listening, and support will help – if they want help. If they want to feel seen and they want to feel better, these things can help.

We cannot “fix” anyone, but we can show them we care. We can help them through the rough moments and hope that they are able to make it through them in the longer term. Love, as always, is the only solution.

I hope you take moments today to appreciate the passing of time.

Love, always, -S.